As the oldest of 12 children, eating out has always been an interesting experience. Usually mom will get out of the car first to see how long the wait is until we can get a table. With as big as our family is we always have to wait for a table (or tables!) It is always interesting how they will arrange the seating. Some will pull all the tables together in the middle of the restaurant. This results in live entertainment for the rest of the diners (much to our chagrin). Who likes being watched while eating spaghetti?! Or they will put us way off on the side like we had the plague. This resulted in being forgotten by the waitress but at least we could eat in peace!! One thing that almost always happens is that we will ask for a table for 12 and they will give us a table for 8 with extra chairs. It is almost like those old college days when they tried to fit so many people into a telephone booth! Let’s just say that dining out always gives us “together” time! Don’t get me wrong though. Eating out is my family’s favorite thing to do. Most of the time we have a great time. Sometimes things turn out so bad that it is just funny.

One of our worst eating out experiences was Mothers Day 2003. My third brother Isaiah was born on Mothers day so every couple of years his birthday will land on Mothers Day again. This was the year! We decided to go out to a popular steak place in Boise. Of course because of its popularity (and the date!) everyone else and their mother were there. There was a 2 hour wait for the normal dining room or a 15 minute wait for the tent they had set up to the side. We were all hungry so Dad decided to take the tent. What the heck it couldn’t be that bad! Oh, yes it could! We got to the tent and the comedy of errors began. First they had us at a table for 8 with extra chairs. The chairs fit side by side but they were impossible to get into unless you were made of jello. So we had to take turns seating ourselves. While this was going on a waiter turned to my mother who was standing behind her chair waiting for her turn to sit and told her that she would have to take her seat that she was prohibiting him from serving the other table. My mother promptly sat and the waiter was still faced with the same problem because the tables were so close together that the seats touched when people were sitting in them. You just had to pray that no one obese would be seated behind you or it would be curtains! We finally were all seated when another problem presented itself. The chairs were very cheap, the kind that sink when you sit in them, so must of us had the feeling that we were sitting with our chin on the table. Then as we sat there with our chins on the table we discovered that the platform the chairs were on was decidedly tilted in one direction. So to sum up, we were wedged at a table for 8 on sinking chairs, chins on the table tilted to one side. Then my little sister uttered the fateful words. “I have to go to the bathroom!” Whoever invented restaurant bathrooms did not have little kids that felt a strange compulsion to try out every restaurant bathroom possible.

Now that everyone was in a decidedly bad mood the waitress bounced up wanting to take our order. Have you ever tried to figure out a drink order for 12? I have and it really does not take a degree in brain surgery.

Now when we were trying to wedge ourselves at the table we did not take into consideration the places people chose to sit. Unfortunately Isaiah (the sad birthday boy) was at one end of the table and Dad was seated at the other end. So while the rest of us wore pasted on grins commenting on how refreshing the breeze was that was blowing under the tent, Isaiah wore the face of the sadly disappointed, neglected birthday boy. The older children commenced kicking him under the table and issuing in turn, dire threats and large bribes for him to slap a grin on his face. With the promise of no chores, candy and trips to the zoo his countenance began to brighten. But only after Dad had taken note and issued his own dire threats.

Then the food came. The only way to get it was to pass it down. Those at the end prayed that their food would not look too appetizing or else the plate would be much lighter by the time it made its journey to the end of the table. We ate our food and enjoyed it as much as is possible with our chins on the table (at least it took less time to shovel it into our mouths!) After paying the bill (and 15% gratuity that is added on because we are a “party”) finally came the time to dislodge ourselves from the table and make our grand parade back to the car. We try to split the exodus down into a couple groups so that we don’t shock people too much. As we walked out the door the hostess said cheerfully, “Come again soon!” –You have got to be kidding! It will take months of therapy to recover from this!

That was one dinner out that could have been the dinner to end all dinners, but usually we have a great time. There are the people who stop and comment on how well behaved we are. Some have paid for us to have dessert. Waitresses have brought out extra drinks for free and really given us the royal treatment. Some even leave off the automatic 15% gratuity, thereby allowing dad to give his customary 20-25% tip.

Our favorite place to eat is the Mexican food place in Emmett. We usually go there for lunch after church with 2 other families. The owners open up the banquet room and we have it all to ourselves. All the kids have their own friends to sit next to. There is no one to sit and stare at us or openly comment on the size of our family. We have gone to this restaurant so many times that the waitresses know which children belong to which family. So when the time comes to order she just goes around to each kid on the ticket to get their order. When the little kids are finished eating they can play quietly on the floor and not have to worry about disturbing anyone. It is so comfortable to eat there that we hardly ever opt to travel the 45 minutes into Boise to eat out.

So to sum up, everyone has good and bad experiences eating out. Just be sure that if anyone ever offers you a tent with a 15 minute wait over the 2 hour wait, that you take the dining room wait and get some McDonalds to tide you over!